A series is born! The fact is, we needed a junk drawer. Games, gadgets, snacks, ads, commercials, one hit wonders, fashion trends, and gak. I realize I’ve dabbled with this before (i.e. my glorious pogs and slammers post) but this is going to cover a wider umbrella of topics. AND, as always, I encourage your feedback.
First stop: the childhood food and beverage aisle.
- S’mores Pop Tarts. Even though mom was thoroughly against it. Compromises were usually made in the form of Eggo Waffles, which calls to mind “Leggo my Eggo!” A phrase that exudes whining grubs.
- The array of Hostess products that catered to insecure girls in the cafeteria lines of middle schools everywhere.
- Blow pops and Tootsie Pops. And what was up with the Tootsie Pops that had a star on the wrapper? A mystery.
- Those plastic juice bottles with the tops that you tore off. Ten times more sugary than bug juice, but the same concept. I associate them with Wild ‘n Crazy Kids, visions of neon colors, and vice versa.
- Freeze pops. I enjoyed the pink ones, but all flavors remind me of blazing Florida summers.
- Nerds. Better yet, their short-lived rival, Dweebs. The only time I located Dweebs was at Sun Splash Water Park. And the original Nerds could be found at the movie theater in a white box containing one flavor: grape.
- Crystal Pepsi. The poor man’s Sprite, really.
- On the topic of sodas: Surge, the choice beverage for every boy in the cafeteria who convinced himself if he drank enough, it would cause some kind of crazy reaction in his brain. In theory, Surge is the reason for a lack of common sense within my generation’s male mind.
- Orbitz drinks. The ones with the floating Jell-o like spheres that “defied gravity.” They only had a shelf life of about 3 weeks in 1996, but I saw one with my own eyes, just once. And never again. It’s a giant urban legend. I often question what their purpose was and why they suddenly disappeared.
- Gushers, Fruit by the Foot, and Fruit Roll-Ups. I recall putting artistic skill to work with these snacks during afternoon Nickelodeon or Disney Channel commercial breaks.
- Thanks to a friend, I was reminded of Warheads. I recall being a total masochist about these candies and always eating the insanely sour ones. What must’ve teachers thought of us? My Jansport was chock full of those devils 24/7.
- And most importantly, my memory recalls upon something most people have forgotten: the light brown M&M. Before they elected the blue color as an addition to the bag, there were dark brown and light brown morsels. And I miss them more than any normal person should.