A friend of mine just posted this awesome Mental Floss article: “10 Classic Computers You Had as a Kid.” In elementary school, our computer room was the size of a broom closet and the computers were boxier than the Sherman Oaks Galleria. My mom donated a large amount of Apple computers to the school because for a time, my parents owned and operated an innovative computer shop. I remember the green screens, the noisy buttons, and the idea that computers were really just this exotic extension of handwriting, an interface that allowed you to print something out and marvel over it.

Adults of my generation, the ones that were in elementary school from 1990 and on, remember Oregon Trail and Mavis Beacon in our classrooms for pure, educational purposes. But I thought I’d make a list of other games I remember playing at home. Can you think of any others you played?

• Wolfenstein 3D – killing nazis, collecting jewels, machine guns, first aid kits, and giant platters of Thanksgiving day turkey, coupled with that amazing music that we all had stuck in our head for DAYS? 

(Created in 1991 by Catacomb 3D and later released in 1992 for MS-DOS and was the first game that popularized the first-person shooter game.)

• Prince of Persia - so early-days-of-computer-gaming it hurts. Jumping walls, missing walls, lunging, crouching, leaping. The goal was to reach the princess and free her from Jaffer in under an hour. I often failed miserably at this, but do recall finally winning eventually. And laughing a lot along the way, because it was the most ridiculously frustrating game ever made.

(Released in 1989 for the Apple II.)

• Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego – reporting your travels to some detective named Nigel, you must try to track down the infamous Carmen Sandiego all over the world, following leads and recording your finds.

• Kings Quest – was a pioneering computer game that exposed enhanced worlds of 3-D, exploring the epic and enchanting Kingdom of Daventry with main character King Graham through the following realms: Daventry, Kolyma, Llewdor, Tamir, Serenia, Eldritch, Etheria, Land of the Green Isles, Realm of the Dead, The Swamp, Dimension of Death, Underground Realm of the Gnomes, Barren Region, Frozen Reaches, Paradise Lost, and Realm of the Sun. Exploring these worlds, you had to search for clues, solve spells, and pick up ANYTHING that wasn’t glued down to the screen. This often meant hovering your mouse around an entire area to find just about anything: water in a birdbath, a locket in the dirt. The subjects of the games often revolved around mythology, highly inspired by fairy tales derived from Ancient times. The game including a Weeping Willow tree that plays the harp. Need I say more?

(Originated in 1984, but it was in 1990 when Sierra took over and created the entirely new and progressive 3-D experience.)

• Titanic: Adventure Out of Time - a race-against-the-clock action paced game that took you back in time aboard the ill-fated Titanic to try to stop the boat from sinking. (Minus Leo and Kate.) The graphic design in this game was superbly advanced for the mid-90s and, well, dare I say it – pretty beautiful. It was often easy to find yourself curiously exploring the ship instead of playing the game, because of just how accurately gorgeous and rich the history was. The protagonist is a man who was a British secret agent in 1912 when he was onboard the Titanic and survived. The game begins in the 1940s with the character caught in an air-raid and getting sent back in time to change fate. So the idea is to partake in as much Titanic cruise ship gossip as he possibly can. He has to meet everyone: Leyland Trask the psychic, creepy Reverend Trout, good ‘ol boy Buick Riviera, the unattainable Stephanie Burns who is angry at her husband and makes for a humorous couple of minutes if you try to hound her, and Daisy Cashmore who looooves to talk gossip. Note: the music throughout game-play is Chopin‘s Preludes Op. 28 No. 7

(Released in 1996 via Cyberflix and GTE Entertainment.)

• Nickelodeon Director’s Lab – the coolest game to ever exist, ever. Ever. First of all – the game was hosted by Melissa Joan Hart, in character as Clarissa Darling via Clarissa Explains It All. Various rooms were marked: ‘Screening room’, ‘Sound FX’, ‘Music Studio’, ‘Video Suite’, ‘Title Editor’, ‘Graphic Studio’, and ‘Directors Lab’. In the video suite, there was a junk drawer where you could find the most random clips: a toilet flushing, a kid bumping into a flagpole, a cartoon character with smoke coming out of his ears… Basically, if you remember the kitschy ways of Nickelodeon in the early ’90s, the aesthetic of DL was exactly like that. Think Adventures of Pete and Pete. The end result was a campy-quirky video with sound that you could either pre-mix on the mixing board yourself, or one from their archives (of which included a few short seconds of the obscure and old school Welcome Freshmen theme song!) Sound FX included beeps, growls, boinks. There were 475 photos, 300 video clips, 300 sound effects, 70 pieces of music, and 125 graphic stamps.

(Released in 1994 by Viacom New Media.)

• Home Alone – a play on the movie, where you are Kevin McCallister and you msut protect your home by setting up various booby traps, and then running through the house when the clock strikes midnight to escape the intruders. In the end, Kevin (well, you) must make it to the attic where you jump out the window and onto the zipline, across the backyard and into the safety of your treehouse while you wait for the cops to arrive.

• The Dagger of Amon Ra – part of the Laura Bow mystery adventure games, set in 1926, it focused on the Egyptology craze of the era. The main character, a Southern belle, is working for a newspaper and her first assignment is to attend this Egyptian exhibit party, but then a murder occurs at the party and she must figure out the crime. What I remember loving about this game was the gritty ambience of journeying to speakeasies, a Chinese laundromat, and encounters with the many diverse characters in the game: art students, criminals, curators, a widow, a detective, an archeologist, and some crazy French lady named Yvette.

(Released in 1992 by Sierra On-Line.)

Here’s where I tell the honest truth. I have no recollection of The Babysitters Club. I mean. I remember Claudia’s cool wardrobe, and the feeling that she was constantly misunderstood for being an artist. In that episode when here handmade jewelry disappears…WHOA, you guys. Never before (or since) has there been such a debacle over a plastic bead kit full of Etsy-potential accessories. I remember Kristy bossing everyone around and answering the BSC phone in a way that was totally snappy, but helping that shy girl at school become class President, or something.  Mary Anne was kind of a pushover and I recall she had a whiny voice, but in Episode 1: “Mary Anne and the Brunettes” she DID throw pie in ‘the brunettes’ faces for talking about Logan being such a good kisser, and in the books, I always felt bad for her because she and her dad had it pretty rough. Dawn was super aggro about the environment and got into a huffy flirt-fest with Zach Braff when she found out his mom was the Commissioner of some ‘destroy this park/build this road’ thing, but then she felt like a spaz and invited him over while she was making origami, as if to say:  “I’m actually cool, look at me, I’m wasting paper. I don’t care about the trees that much.” Whatever, Dawn, you don’t fool us for a second.

More to the point, let’s hand it to the people who keep the spark of BSC quite alive. Someone who does remember every detail, so much that her historical knowledge of this series lends itself in her Hairpin article about where these fictional club members are now, compiled the most side-splitting “Where Are They Now” update anyone will ever write. And with that said, there’s another blog I located and adore called “What Claudia Wore”, and whatta ya know! The times they are a-changing. (Back to the late ’80s, that is.) It seems 2011 hipster-cool equals 1987 Claudia Kishi cute. Tie-dyed leggings, floral jeans, long scarves, feathered earrings, droopy fabric headbands? This ain’t some chilly Urban Outfitters blog about the latest street trends, it’s Claudia Kishi’s closet.

I’ve actually known about this for a couple of months, but am just getting around to posting about it.  An amazing John Hughes exhibit took place in Venice, CA from Feb. 11 – March 4 at Gallery 88. Why or how I missed it, is just how this universe and I are. (When conductor John Williams came to Chicago to perform his infamous collection of musical scores with the Chicago Symphony, I didn’t know about it until a few days after the fact.) I’m like Samantha Baker in Sixteen Candles, craving a black Trans-Am and a little attention on my birthday only to be overlooked by some other ridiculous event that people will look back on and cringe over. Some foreign exchange student could show up and steal my hometown thunder. (But I will not monologue my thoughts to myself on my front lawn.) And while Niles East High will never see another shiny plastic pink clutch and matching heels during a timeless school dance, I am sure that somewhere, some other Hughes fan is reeling in the very preservation that this exhibit aimed to honor.

Aaron Jasinski “The Rebirth of Cameron Fry”

This art homage was appropriately titled:  “The Road to Shermer.” It was a collection of 50 artists’ renditions of John Hughes films. The oil canvases and screenprints are in a word: very. There’s a boardgame. I repeat. A boardgame!!! based on Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Think Candy Land for the boy who ditches school for a day in the big city. Perhaps the best use of minimalism is, surprisingly, the artwork  Planes Trains and Automobiles. And then there’s a zany take on The Breakfast Club kids: Claire’s Tokyo breakfast, Ally Sheedy’s snow angel. Claire looking longingly into her mirror at Bender’s photo. Did someone crawl into my brain and decipher my thoughts? Yes, the avid Hughes fan totally daydreams over the scenes we never saw.

Ruel Pascual “Will You Recognize Me”

“You see us how you want to see us…”

To purchase any of the prints from the exhibit, check out Gallery 88′s website here.

Before that came to be, Silverstone starred as that doe-eyed adolescent  girl with the fixation for an older man in her parents’ guest house in  The Crush… you know, that movie where a bees’ nest outside totally ruins that woman in the photo lab? This was around the time Steven Tyler and his people were like, “Let’s get this devilish teen with the pretty smile in our music videos.”

She starred in three of their videos as the blonde-hair-in-the-wind, combat boots and socks, floral dress wearing teen. Those videos, “Cryin’”, “Crazy”, and “Amazing” not only put her on the map, but made her a household name. She was like the mascot for Aerosmith, a band that was seeing some major airtime in the ’90s for their album Get a Grip, unlike many other glam rock bands of the ’70s that were struggling to modernize their classic tunes. Perhaps the most popular of the three videos was “Crazy”, which followed Silverstone and Steven Tyler’s daughter, Liv Tyler, on a wild, wild adventure. They ditch school, climb out of their school girl outfits, raid a convenient store, crash at a motel, go to a strip club, and steal a farm boy’s tractor.

The videos were synonymous with MTV pop culture. It was the early ’90s and music vids were all the rage. After this, she starred in another haunting film, much like The Crush, called The Babysitter…about a character much different than that mainstream brand of ’90s sex appeal that was heroin chic. People like Alicia Silverstone were standing next to actresses like Shannen Doherty in Mallrats or the Renee Zellweger of Empire Records. Not that they were all similar, but that they were female characters of the ’90s that were pretty…well, real.

This early ’90s stint gave us films and videos that created such an alluring cloud around Silverstone and the characters she played: seemingly innocent teen turned venus fly-trap, rebellious school girl with a need for speed, an oblivious fashionista representing new trends of the mid ’90s, and then unattainable girl-next-door. Then, she starred in a bunch of movies that didn’t matter. I will admit, I loved her 1999 film  Blast From the Past, but her standout role will always be the Beverly Hills teen who breaks in her purple clogs, gets a C in Debate, gives Brittany Murphy a massive makeover, threatens to sue the high school’s P.E. system for their rickety tennis equipment, and makes a lap at a party before committing to a location. All of that, Betties and Baldwins, would not be without the genius eye of Amy Heckerling, the director behind Fast Times At Ridgemont High, who turned on MTV one day and saw someone with just the right amount of spunk and innocence, the type of actress who would go on to say “Hay-teen-ens” when pronouncing “Haitians” in her infamous classroom speech scene in Clueless. Alicia Silverstone was and always will be, the school girl betty of the ’90s.

In her home, Holly had these “pet friends.” (They were puppets.) Iggy the Iguana lived in the bookshelf.  Jacob the Blue-Jay lived outside in the tree, flying in through the porch door. (I have the faint feeling that if and when Holly closed the door, Jacob would peck at the glass pane with his beak or totally get insecure over his current friendship status with Hol.) Then there was Gloria the Gopher. She lived…get ready…under the umbrella tree, in the middle of one of those circular couches, the proverbial hearth of Holly’s home.

So, I don’t know what this means for the hierarchy of the characters, but if anyone was Queen B, Gloria was it. As a kid, anyone who watched this show probably drooled over the idea of having a circular couch that they could hide away in, and I sort of have this morbid conclusion that the tree had to be kept watered and lively or else the pets would all disappear. But that’s just me being a total creep.

I also think (in reference to what I was about to say earlier) that there’s a little theory to be explained behind Umbrella Tree. This world was a make-believe setting within a make-shift set. You know how Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood started its show each episode with an aerial view of his ‘hood? It looked like one of those mats you see in a pediatricians’ offices with streets and stop signs and houses. The secret ingredient to a childrens’ show is to add multiple textures. Real life. Claymation. Puppets. Illustration. In other words, maybe Holly herself wasn’t a real person, maybe she was a figment of this imaginative world where the pets were real, and Holly was the strange one. (You’re never going to find that Victorian fixer-upper in Ottawa, you know what I’m sayin’?)

Now, the theme song:

Do you ever wonder, what can happen under, under an umbrella tree / Sunny days or thunder, your friends are waiting under, under the umbrella tree / So come on everybody, see you up at Holly’s, ’cause there’s no better place to be / In your imagination, you’ll find an invitation, under the umbrella tree!

Then you’d see a little clip introducing you to the creatures: Gloria, Jacob, Iggy…and their good friend Holly!

There’s a subliminal message  here. And I think that message is female empowerment. It’s like: “Hey, even if you’re a 30something woman living the ‘burns of Ontario, and even if you haven’t found your mate, all’s never lost, when you’re an educated and confident lady with a gaggle of friends (real or fake.) At least you can escape to this land of animals who love you for who you are. Sad, in a way. But, also kind of sweet.

Noreen Young with her creations.

Episodes were educational: the meaning of a holiday, the importance of exercise, how to build, cook, preserve, honor, or respect something. I remember one ep when the lights went out in a thunder storm so they retreated to the basement. Holly taught them to get creative and not rely on the modern technologies to keep themselves entertained.  A few guests would show up at the door from time to time, their neighbor friends: Louis Bird, Mitzi the dog (Gloria’s BFF), and Jacob’s number one comrade: Chuck Chickadee! I also faintly remember an elderly woman that had a hard time hearing and would often come and check on Holly. She was like, Mr. Magoo’s widow or something…

Oh, Canada!

The original show aired on CBS in Canada from 1986-1993. And then it went into syndication on The Disney Channel in the U.S. from 1993-1996.

A friend of mine turned me on to Everything Is Terrible , and I swear, I could watch this video on repeat and it may never get old… (thoughtful pause) It will just become increasingly outdated, I’ll begin craving strange things like Crystal Pepsi, and want to find out what this kid is up to these days in the same way I sometimes curiously wonder whatever happened to the faces on the Dreamphone boardgame….

Ahem.

Anyway. THIS IS INTERNET, kids. Now go on, go dance. Go dance on that highway in the sky!

In order to place you back, the water cooler humor of B and BH was vending machine at the time.  Let me explain. Boys in ripped jeans and rock shirts making butt jokes and ogling posters of ‘babes.’ Think Encino Man humor. Something caveman-like.  That was the way of the land. The resurgence of the smiley face, tie dyed wearing high school and college crowds created a mirror-image of the head-in-the-clouds culture of the ’60s. Remember when Alicia Silverstone makes a crack at high school boys ‘these days’ in Clueless (1995)? “All the Young Dudes” is playing behind a scene in which a group of lanky stoner boys with backwards caps, baggy jeans, holed-up band t shirts and dirty hair, cruise campus. The materialism of the ’80s was replaced with anti-consumerism of the early ’90s. Recyle, redefine, revolutionize.

The aspect of Beavis & Butthead that pleases to my nostalgic senses are their music video segments (!!!) The pair sat on their couch and flipped through the channels on the tube, commentators to the music videos they found. Oh, hey! Imagine that. Their little two-cent snippets were sometimes perverted, sometimes dumbfounded, but always included immense chuckling and massive headbanging. They covered all ranges of music: rock, metal, rap, alternative, pop, ’80s, obscure Euro pop, soul, smooth jazz, contemporary. Here’s one of my personal faves:

Oh, and for the record.

Listen up, MTV: If you really want to reclaim your ‘throne’, you should heed the advice and/or history of other television shows that create spin-offs, including yours truly. Where others failed, I assure you, the concept of including Daria at some point, in some way, would be the most crowd pleasing decision you’ve ever made. You’d be denying something fundamental if you didn’t agree that we all want to go back to simpler times. What the world needs now: is Jane and Daria, telling it like it is, or isn’t. I mean, give all of these teen moms something to live vicariously through.